Oh, for goodness sake

[odycee]

Okay, so I haven't gone to bed yet. I was reading the Remus/Hermione essay over on ship_manifesto. (Ah, my secret HP het ship, why isn't there more of you?) Anyway, I went to one of the commenters journals and found an absolutely charming rant about Harry Potter of which this is an excerpt of:

I'M SORRY IF YOU DO A LOVELY JOB OF 'BOYSEX' -- IT DOESN'T BELONG IN FICTION WHERE THE CHARACTERS ARE, BY DEFAULT, INTERPRETED AS HETEROSEXUAL. GO READ A SERIES WITH CHARACTERS THAT DO, AND THEN WRITE TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT.

I AM SIMPLY SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING HELPLESS CANON BE PILLAGED WITHOUT REMORSE TO SATISFY EVEN THE PERFECTLY NORMAL FANTASIES OF (OFTEN) THE FEMALE READERSHIP ENGAGED IN FAN-FICTION. IF YOU WERE TO DO SO TO ME, I WOULD INTELLECTUALLY KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF. IN FACT, I PLAN TO FIND OUT JUST HOW ANNE RICE DID WHAT SHE WAS ABLE TO DO TO PROTECT HER CREATIONS FROM THIS MINDLESS SELF INDULGENT BEHAVIOUR. IT WAS A BLOODY BRILLIANT MOVE.

And yes, it's all in caps. Urgh. So apparantly, by default, all HP characters are interpreted as heterosexual. Do you think JKR used a drop down menu like the following for the default sexuality setting of the characters?

[Poll #453535]

And she invoked the name of Anne Rice - Supreme Goddess of Wank. Priceless.

Comments

[blackgarden.livejournal.com]

I always read Remus as the gayest gay who ever gayed. There's just something fruity about him.

[lykaios.livejournal.com]

"Straight" is a default setting, HURHUR.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

No no no. You're not reading it right. The default interpretation of all HP characters is straight. STRAIGHT. Honestly, it's like you didn't know that no one has the ability to interpret things differently from other people.

And in conclusion. GAY.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

Everyone comes direct from the factory with a default setting. Didn't you get the memo?

[darchildre.livejournal.com]

but...but...remus and sirius! they're like a default pairing - one of those that you don't even have to read fic for because you know it's there, like john/aeryn. it just stares you in the face.

how does a person miss that?

[odycee.livejournal.com]

how does a person miss that?

Because her default for interpretation of sexuality is set at heterosexual as is right and proper. It's kids book for goodness sake!

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

I'm not even going to get into the oft-commented upon irony of someone who ships Remus/Hermione railing against people who go outside the bound of feasible speculation.

And just to clarify, I'm not bashing on Remus/Hermione, which does strike me as one of the less cracktastic pairings out there.

It's just that WOW is that so never going to happen in the books.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

And just to clarify, I'm not bashing on Remus/Hermione, which does strike me as one of the less cracktastic pairings out there.

It's less cracktastic than Lucius/Harry(!) for instance, but it's still pretty high on the cracktastic scale. I've got a soft spot for Remus/Hermione but it's got to be some damn good writing to make me believe it. But I guess seeing as the "default interpretation" is heterosexual it's got to make more sense than Sirius/Remus. *eyeroll*

It's just that WOW is that so never going to happen in the books.

Not in a billion years.

[mellafe.livejournal.com]

I love it that you added 'Sirius' as an option because to me, he's really Gay for Sirius :P

Also, I agree with that person in one point: I don't like it when people turn gay people who obviously are not. I mean, people like Lily or James or Molly, you know? But there are other pairings that are WAY more insane than R/S! Come on! :D

I think I had a point, I dunno if I made it. It's late.

[niennah.livejournal.com]

He's Sirius-sexual!

And maybe The Gay isn't overtly and in youir face in the books, but for me, it is in the film. Imagine the turning-into-a-werewolf scene if it was played with a male and a female - you'd automatically assume something was going on between them. Same when they're both male. And that hug! When they see each other again after so long! It's better than the Spacemonkey hug.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

And still no one has voted him as straight! But, we're interpreting it wrong. JKR should kick our arses apparently.

But as this girl says, it should only meddle with canon in a believeable way, such as Hermione/Remus. Which I'm sure will be happening in the last book.

roughly 10% of HP characters have to be gay. They're still human, right?

Dude, Remus is a werewolf, didn't you read the book?

Statistically speaking, 20% of them are gay.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

I just can't see Remus with anyone else apart from Sirius (apart from Hermione in exceptional circumstances but only if there's acknowledgement of Sirius/Remus)

But there are other pairings that are WAY more insane than R/S!

Hagrid/Squid for example.

[odycee.livejournal.com]

He's Sirius-sexual!

He is!

The film is so laden with Sirius/Remus subtext it's unbelievable. That hug is way better than the Spacemonkey hug. The Spacemonkey hug is brotherly in comparison.

The books though - it's not in your face, but it doesn't make you think, "Oh, that Remus, he's totally straight, he wouldn't touch Sirius with a ten-foot barge pole ". I wouldn't think that until JKR had him shagging Tonks over the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place (oh god please no). Actually, he would only be doing that because he felt dead inside after the death of Sirius and he thought that if he had Sirius' cousin it would be like having Sirius back in a small way.

So yeah. I don't know what my point was and I'm sure I didn't make it.

[elvinborn.livejournal.com]

I wasn't aware that Ship_manifesto had much wank. But I'm guessing that where there's HP, the wank must follow.

I'm going with the common observation that the ship in question R/Hr is WAY less canon than R/S (which are practically canon, if nobody comes out and says it)

Anne Rice is the almighty ruler of teh Wank. All wanky people bow to her majesty